I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
