somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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