Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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