Three words: puerto rican gang bang
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
