Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
