***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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