Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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