I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
