You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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