I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
