Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
