i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
