Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
