I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
