So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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