At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this will be a night to untag.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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