so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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