um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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