So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
