Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
