Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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