They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Enjoy the penises
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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