Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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