yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
