while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
