Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
