Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
