I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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