I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
