Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
