a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize