I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I love you.
Bad choice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
