girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
