just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
