WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
