I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
