why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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