I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude i'm inner monologue high
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
