I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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