you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
