dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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