Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
