Capitaan dildo arrescate!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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