I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
