I cockslap morals
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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