Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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