Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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