That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
