Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
