I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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