I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
