WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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