i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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