we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
