I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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