Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I FOUND THE LEGS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
