So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
