Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
