:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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