Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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