I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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