I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
