I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize