You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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