So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
