Please don't use social media to get back at me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
