Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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