I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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