tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
