I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
