He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
