Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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