I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
