I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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