I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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