Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
