Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
